


swing, swing

by artemris



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 10:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4603998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemris/pseuds/artemris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."</i>
</p>
<p>He says it in a whisper, a confession he isn't sure who he's confessing to, whether it be Blue or himself. </p>
<p>He isn't sure what else to say. He can still feel Blue's lips on his and his chest aches more than usual.</p>
<p>Blue's voice is just as quiet when she replies and maybe he isn't the only one with things to confess.</p>
<p>"I'd say okay."</p>
            </blockquote>





	swing, swing

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 6am bcos i couldn't sleep and i love noah+blue (and making noah suffer apparently). idek what this writing style is but enjoy or something i guess??  
> i mention maura being korean btw bcos in my head blue is korean american but that's just my envisioning of her!!

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

Noah Czerny has been dead for years. Seven years to be exact. He hardly feels the ache anymore that settled in his bones - metaphorical, of course. His real bones are buried six feet under, somewhere on the ley line in Henrietta. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the Noah that is and the bones that were Noah - it's all just a dull buzzing sensation in the back of his mind. Yes, he's dead, but it's not the most pressing thing on his mind.

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

The ache is more prominent when he meets Blue Sargent. It takes him weeks to figure it out, to connect the dots between the weight that's settled in his chest to the pretty Henrietta girl with autumn eyes. He wants to be _alive._

Blue is smart too, not just pretty. She's funny in a dry sort of way and she isn't afraid to tell Ronan where to shove it and Noah thinks he might love her just a little bit.

She notices him, the shy, smudgy boy in the corner who does his best not to be noticed, and it's such an overwhelming feeling he thinks he just might cry. If he were alive.

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

It's a conundrum really. He can kiss her because he's dead but he can't be with her because he's not alive. He curses the living a lot more these days. Some of the dead too. He curses himself for ever befriending a boy with a passion for dead languages and a desire that would stop at nothing.

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

He steals looks at her when she visits, let his eyes linger when they're out together. It's somewhere between appreciation and longing. Blue is beautiful; pale skin, dark eyes, short, choppy hair. Her features are a blend between her mother's Korean heritage and her father's Celtic roots. She's like a smaller copy of Maura, everyone agrees, but Noah thinks somehow she manages to make it look totally unique.

Sometimes he catches her glancing back at him, eyes searching, watching just a moment too long before she looks away. There's something in her eyes he can never quite place. Sometimes he thinks it's wistfulness, but there is an equal possibility that that's just his own wishful thinking.

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

Blue has a curse. Blue has always had a curse. Noah supposes that really depends on what you consider to be a curse.

Blue considers it to be a curse.

Since she was younger, of the age to be able to comprehend the prophecies her family made and the business they dealt in, Blue had always been told that if she kissed her true love he would die. They'd done double readings, triple readings, all brought back the same thing.

Noah was not her true love.

This they knew because Blue had already kissed Noah, and because Noah was already dead.

Sometimes, though, Noah liked to pretend.

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

Noah thinks he already knows who Blue's true love is. He feels so certain, he's almost sure. Or, at the very least, he knows who Blue thinks her true love is.

It's impossible not to notice the looks they share, fleeting, inconspicuous, yet mind-numbingly obvious. Gansey likes Blue. Blue likes Gansey.

Neither of them say anything.

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

Noah isn't sure how he feels about the thought of being alive again. Part of him wants it more than anything: wants to feel the grass beneath his feet, feel the blood pumping through his veins, warm and fresh and _alive._ He wants to feel the rain on his face and taste his mother's cooking again.

He wants Blue.

But another part of him, the wiser part perhaps, is wary. Death feels more familiar now than life. He isn't sure how to deal with growing older and feeling the pressure to live his life. He's scared to ask Blue anymore because he knows she's made up her mind.

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

They think they're being secretive, the four of them. They believe, somehow, that their whispers won't find their way back to Noah, that Noah isn't listening, that Noah needs to be seen there to hear what they're saying,

They want to bring him back. Properly.

The emotions he feels are a swirling pit of confliction. He's irked they haven't mentioned it to him, delighted they care enough to try. Dismayed because he isn't really sure if _he_ cares enough to try.

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

He says it in a whisper, a confession he isn't sure who he's confessing to, whether it be Blue or himself.

He isn't sure what else to say. He can still feel Blue's lips on his and his chest aches more than usual.

Blue's voice is just as quiet when she replies and maybe he isn't the only one with things to confess.

"I'd say okay."

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_

It's autumn when he comes back, skin stretched tight over seventeen year old bones, muscle and tissue, bound together with sinew. His taste buds work and his synapses work on the double, firing off signals rapidly in response to all of the stimulus Noah hasn't experienced in seven years.

_"I'd say okay."_

Blue is delighted. She can't quite believe it worked. She throws her arms around his neck and doesn't let go for several minutes. When she pulls back she lingers for a moment, her eyes reflected back in his. It feels, for a moment, as though Blue might kiss him, but Noah knows they're beyond that now.

She steps back again and flashes him a genuine smile, but it's tinged with sorrow and Noah can only think of what could have been. He can't help but notice Gansey's fingers curled around Blue's.

_"I'd ask you out, if I was alive."_


End file.
